If you've ever had an opportunity to hear me speak and share my story or read any of my books, then you probably know that I've struggled with negative thoughts for many years of my life. This is one of the many reasons I'm so passionate about the work that I do with Culture Cre8ion. Negative thinking for me was like being stuck in a deep ditch, pressing on the gas pedal, hoping to break free, but going nowhere. Instead, I was digging myself in deeper and deeper into the same pattern of negative thinking. The turning point came in my mid-thirties when I finally sought professional help.
The Pain of Being a People Pleaser
Much of my pain stemmed from a desperate need to please. I carried the weight of expectations, constantly striving to be perfect for everyone. This relentless pursuit of approval led to a downward spiral, where I ended up having severe bouts of anxiety.
A New Perspective
I remember the day I took the anti-depressant my doctor prescribed. I was in my mid-thirties, married, with twin girls. I knew that I needed help so that I could be there for my daughters. I had grown so accustomed to trying to manage two families – the one I grew up with and the one I was currently in, and I was completely overwhelmed. It was a leap of faith, a desperate attempt to alleviate my suffering. While the medication provided some relief, it also triggered a profound realization: I needed to find a way to be there for myself. I understood at this point that I could not take care of others if I didn't take time to care for myself.
Breaking Free from Negative Thought Patterns
Negative thoughts can feel like a heavy weight that pulls away all of our energy, but they don't have to control us. Setting boundaries with ourselves is about reclaiming our power and transforming these harmful thoughts into empowering beliefs.
Researchers tell us that we have anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day, and at least 80% of them are negative. Many of these negative thoughts are repetitive, reinforcing harmful beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. When we don't set boundaries with ourselves, we allow these thoughts to dictate our emotions and actions and ultimately how much we engage and enjoy our lives.
By setting boundaries, we can challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and empowering affirmations. We can choose to believe in our own worth, our abilities, and our potential. This is not about being self-absorbed; it's about treating ourselves with the same kindness and respect we would show a good friend.
The Importance of Self-Compassion
Healing from this negative experience is a journey, not a destination. It involves embracing our experiences, forgiving ourselves (and others), and treating ourselves with kindness. By setting boundaries with ourselves, we can break free from the cycle of negative thoughts and cultivate a more fulfilling life.
Actionable Steps
Recognize the power of your thoughts and beliefs: Our thoughts and beliefs shape our emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. Become aware of the thoughts running through your mind and how they affect your feelings and actions.
Challenge negative thought patterns: When you notice a negative thought, question its validity. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Replace negative thoughts with more positive and empowering affirmations.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. Be gentle with yourself and avoid self-criticism.
Set boundaries: Learn to say "no" when necessary. Prioritize your own needs and well-being. Avoid overcommitting yourself and set realistic expectations.
Embrace the journey of healing: Healing is a process, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries with ourselves is not about selfishness; it's about self-preservation. By prioritizing our own needs and well-being, we can create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Wishing you a beautiful day and an even more extraordinary life!
Niki Spears
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