My 3am Wake-Up Call

Okay, it’s 3;00 o’clock in the morning and while I should be sleep-- I  have a big presentation tomorrow, here I am waking up with my heart racing and I don’t know why. No, it’s not the presentation.  This has  been happening more since my recent move to the Boston area. As a child, I felt this often, so the sensation is familiar—tight chest, spinning thoughts, a body that doesn’t feel safe.

This morning something was different.  A quiet truth whispered to me: my body was trying to tell me something. It wasn’t just stress. I didn’t feel emotionally safe. But why?

Lately I’ve had conversations that have left me feeling drained and invisible—moments where I tried to keep the peace by not speaking up, not asking questions, trying to say the right thing, be available, and make sure everyone else was okay. But underneath it all, I felt unheard and unseen.

Then came my 3 am wake-up call t :“Niki, you’ve been losing your voice trying to keep the peace.”

Have you noticed how anxiety shows up when your inner world and outer world are out of alignment—when your mouth says “yes,” but your soul whispers “no”?

As children many of us are not taught how to express emotions. The message was: “Dry up those tears. Nothing’s wrong with you.” I learned early to ignore my own signals and keep everyone else comfortable. No wonder my adult body sounds the alarm when I abandon myself.

Here’s the reframe that changed everything for me:

Anxiety isn’t just about fear—it’s about not feeling safe (emotional, mental, spiritual). It’s your body’s alarm saying, “Something here isn’t aligned.” It’s not something to be fixed; it’s an invitation to listen to yourself and honor yourself.

So,  after coming to this revelation, you know what I did?  I did what I teach others to do: I pulled out The Energy Map and walked myself through the levels.

I’m sharing this with you because if you’ve ever felt this way or have emotions you don’t know what to do with, I hope this helps guide you back to you.

The Energy Map

Level 1 — Helplessness: “I can’t control this.

I named the truth: I can’t control other people’s timing, tone, or choices.

Level 2 — Tension: “This isn’t fair

.I let myself feel the frustration of always being “on” and still feeling unseen.

Level 3 — Ownership: “I choose how I show up.

I paused before responding. I breathed. I remembered: I don’t have to abandon myself to prove I care.

Level 4 — Servant Leadership: “I can love and still have limits.”

I began using gentle boundaries that keep love in the sentence and peace in my body:

• “I’m in the middle of something; I’ll respond when I can focus.”

• “I’d love to connect—let’s plan a time that works for both of us.”

• “Quick hello today, longer chat later.”

Level 5 — Love: “I am free.”

Peace isn’t something I chase by pleasing others. It’s something I create by honoring truth inside of me.

What Reclaiming My Voice Looks Like (in real life)

• Pause before you answer. Ask: Is this peace or pressure?

• Name your need out loud. “I need a moment.” “I’ll call this afternoon.”

• Let guilt be a guest, not a guide. Whisper: I’m allowed to set limits with people I love.

• Return to your body. Hand on heart, three slow breaths, feet on the floor. Remind your nervous system: I am safe.

Remember this,, if you’ve been waking up anxious, you’re not broken. Your body is brave. It’s asking for safety, not for you to be perfect.

Ask yourself:

• Where am I saying “yes” when I mean “not now” or “no”?

• What boundary would let me love others and keep my peace?

• What would aligning my inner world and outer world look like today?

My New Affirmations

I am learning to love without losing myself.

I can honor others without abandoning my peace.

My voice matters—and so do I.

Thanks for listening. Have a peaceful day. The choice is yours.